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Words only mean so much. The way we use them, however, can mark the beginning of a cycle.
If I walk into a room and say "hello, how's it going?" you will have one reaction. If I walk in under the exact same circumstances and scream that same sentence, "HELLO, HOW'S IT GOING?!" at you, you are sure to have a totally different response. Same words, completely different experience. This is a simple example, to be sure, but I bet we can all think of examples of this dynamic playing out in our own lives. The words only hold so much weight, but our tone and energy has a lot to say for the situation. Going a step further, that tone and energy says a lot for how the other person perceives us and our intentions. In the second example, the receiver is now on their heels, frightened, and poised to withdraw. And woe is me if I wonder why...
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People seem to say this to one another often. To me, this seems to miss the mark, and actually gives anxiety a bad name. What I think they mean is that someone they know seems to have difficulty managing their anxiety, and as a result it is probably making them anxious! See, we all “have anxiety”, at all times. I have some anxiety right now; as do you. Without anxiety, we wouldn’t be here! It got you up today, and kept you safe. But, when we have a little too much, or didn’t learn how to manage it in a healthy way, we seem to give off this anxious feeling socially. Don’t be fooled, it’s there normally, and for a reason.
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AuthorI'm Dr. Coleman; here are my blogs. These thoughts are based on my life and clinical experiences. I hope you'll say "hmm, I hadn't thought of that!" ArchivesCategories
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