Avoidance: Our human genius

We're brilliant.

Without realizing it, and in a span of nanoseconds, we know just how to lean, how to stand, how to sit, and how to run, to avoid physical discomfort. Our back, our shoulders, our neck, and our feet have all adjusted to years and years of avoidance. They know just what to do, and when, to avoid pain. Really, our nervous system controls all of this, so it should be given the credit. Our physical world, what's inside us and what's pressing on us from without, inform what we want to avoid and how.

Why did I italicize 'we'? Because we, and our subjective world, informs this process. What I avoid is different from what you avoid, though there may be some overlap. If I had difficulty with my father as a kid, I may avoid men, or authority, or women, or responsibility, or irresponsibility. See, there's no one thing that we'll avoid as the result of any other. It's subjective, thus there's no particular formula for identifying what you avoid.

How does your psyche do it? Are you aware of what you avoid? Here's a list of categories to get you started:

• Types of people (level of authority/power, level of engagement)

• Ways of speaking (tone, volume, pressure)

• Events (lots of people, few people)

• Subjects (math, science, spelling, history)

• Physical tasks (lifting, cleaning)

There's so much to avoid, depending on our histories and our present. Your mind does it like your body does...fast, and without your knowledge. Expect here's the catch: A huge portion of what you now avoid, you simply don't need to. It doesn't do you any good. Maybe it made sense at one point in your life, but not anymore. Avoidance no longer helps you prevent issues. Now the avoidance is the issue.

You avoid aggressive people, but they're the ones you need to spend time around to be seen more at work and get that promotion.

You avoid men, but you want to date a good man.

You avoid being honest with your wife or girlfriend because you don't want to upset the apple cart.

You don't want to be abandoned, so you avoid being fully honest. This results in a weak, distant style of relating, which results in still more failed relationships.

You're left unsatisfied.

What would it look or sound or feel like for you to notice your avoidances while they're happening? If you notice while it's happening, you can call your own bluff. Perhaps you can go toward anxiety in saying or doing something new. The new action will cause angst, but do it anyway. Like the physical body, you have imbalances and compensations all over the place. They had a role at one point, but many of them now hinder you more than help you. Notice when they start, disrupt the cycle, and try something new. As imbalances correct and as your psyche adjusts to new possibilities in being, you'll see just how much of your life has heretofore been un-lived.