Honesty's a turn on

What aren't you doing in the bedroom that you'd like to be doing? Did you used to do those things? Have you ever done them? Which of you is the more adventerous one? Which of you is more shy? Which of you approaches sex more emotionally, and which of you more practically?

What gets in the way of more and/or better sex? Time? What does 'time' mean here, anyway? Energy? Well, what does 'energy' mean in this context?

All of this may be worth wondering about, discussing openly, and hashing out. Sometimes, however, it's actually worse to keep talking, and better to just start doing. Better still, to figure out how to 'let go' of the need to hash it out, talk about it all, or therapize it to death. Won't someone just made a damn move?

As I see it, here's the biggest thing to consider: Just ask. Use your imagination, and ask.

Something you want to try, or a frequency you'd like to make real, can be asked for. Don't sugar coat, and don't hide. Just ask, and see where it goes.

"Hey, I still find you attractive, and I'd like to start having sex more often. How can we make this happen?"

"I was wondering if you'd hear me out on something that I want to ask you about our sex life. I've always wanted to try this (position, role play, outfit, etc). I'd really like to do this with you. Would you ever try it with me?"

"I've been thinking...I need to up the sexual energy in my life. I'd love if you were part of that! Perhaps later tonight (or this weekend/next time we go out), we can play a flirty game I found?"

"You looked incredible in that outfit (you worse last month, at that wedding, last year). Would you be open to wearing that again, perhaps if we went out for a night? Or, would you be open to wearing it here in the bedroom with me?"

We greatly underestimate what happens when we ask. Likewise, we greatly underestimate how 'not honest' we can be when we feel anxious or nervous about the topic at hand. You'll notice in these examples that there's no lack of honesty and no pulling punches. If he/she says 'no,' no problem. At least now they know, and you'll feel relieved for having been so clear. Perhaps they'll offer something else, or say 'no' for now but think about it and change their mind. Or, perhaps through this honesty and forthrightness, you'll find that you're not a good sexual match at this point in your lives. Will he/she be floored to hear you ask like this, so forthrightly? Perhaps. But, this straight-shooter, confident approach might just be the spicy ingredient you've been looking for.