The key to managing anxiety

In the last blog, we learned an important psychological concept: Anxiety is the response to a perceived threat. Perceived is the key word in this sentence. Because you've lived a life that's unique to you, many fo your 'threats' will be different from the next person's. You want to keep certain things: Your life, physical health, reputation, physical safety, personality, sense of humor, emotional safety, money, etc. These meaning is based on your life, no one else's. Thus, threats to any of these are deeply felt. When you perceive a threat, the angst comes on strong, as it signals to you that something important to you is threatened. Even if you 'know' that this process is silly ("I don't care about my fancy car or my salary; I'm not materialistic like that"), your angst betrays you. Summary: When the angst shoots up, it's because you perceived a threat to something you find important about you or your life.

When we feel this, what should we do?

1. Recognize it. Acknowledge that your anxiety just increased. Your chest is tight, you

feel tense, you're worried and overthinking, you're running through the worst case scenarios, your breathing is shallow. Then, ask yourself where it's coming from? My angst just shot up: I read an email from my boss, and now I'm tense and overthinking it.

2. ASK: Where's it coming from? I like my job, I don't want to lose it, and I can't afford to be unemployed. If my boss is displeased, any of these could happen. It's not silly that I'm thinking this way, I just am. This is the perceived threat and this is why I'm more anxious now than I was a minute ago. Now what should I do?

3. GO TOWARD IT. Tolerate the anxiety; let it exist. Don't rush to respond to the email. If you do, the angst would be responding, not you. You could make it worse. Stop, think, close the email and come back in 30 minutes. Allow your angst to wane, and allow your mind to work. Respond later, with a clear head. In the meantime, allow yourself to feel the angst; it won't kill you. In fact, tolerating it and letting it hit you builds strength and something called anxiety tolerance. Routinely doing this allows you to feel more confident and capable next time you notice a jolt of angst.

Improved anxiety tolerance sounds like this: I recognized my anxiety, identified where it stemmed from, and sat with it- I didn't avoid it by responding too quickly or by convoluting the situation. I feel less anxious, and now I can tackle the issue at hand. I'm also more empowered to handle it like this in the future. 

Please comment or contact me directly if you'd like to learn more about how to 'Go Toward Anxiety.'