'Then what?'

In protecting yourself and others, you can bring about the thing you fear the most.

If you tell someone 'no,' they might get mad, or seem mad. Okay...

Then what?

If you're honest with your boss about your workload, they might have a reaction that's disconcerting. They might get frustrated with you. They might like you a little less than before. Okay...

Then what?

If you're really honest with your partner, they might be offended, or disgusted, or frustrated, or annoyed. Okay...

Then what?

How much do you plan for what others might do or feel?

Do you ask yourself: 'Then what?' If you do, you'll find that the whole thing unravels. Okay...then what? They'll fire me, demote me, scream at me, abandon me? Really? And if they do...then what? The answers to these questions aren't as easy to come by when you ask yourself this question. In asking this, we often realize that we don't know what will happen, and that more than one thing might happen. They might get mad, but what does that mean? Don't people actually learn to trust each other more after conflict? And what if they don't get mad, and they actually hear me out, respect my honesty, open up to me in return, and learn to trust and admire me?

We find that 'then what' pairs nicely with 'what else?'

How else might they react, and how else might this go?

As stated above: In protecting yourself and others, you can bring about the thing you fear the most. Avoiding honesty is precisely what might make the other person mad, or lose trust in you, or bring about conflict. Avoidance often has the opposite effect. Avoidance, not straightforward honesty, is what brings about what you fear the most.

***More on vicious cycles and self-fulfilling prophecies in future posts***